San Diego...

...Is beautiful. I miss that place dearly. I had the opportunity to go back for the weekend with my roommate Zach, and I loved it. It was filled with a lot of visits, and I even got to hit up a show on Saturday night. The Highlight, however, was seeing one of my best friends, and mentor's wedding. Matt Carlson, I love you and I am so happy for you.

Things are strange. I won't lie, the visit still felt empty. Without Avena being there, I felt like it was all meaningless. I know that's somewhat selfish, but it's true. I found myself really upset every night, and I just wish there was more I could do for her at this distance. I feel like I'm failing her.

Actually, I probably am.

Things have been tense lately, and I only have myself to blame. I really did foresee things being difficult, but it looks a lot harder than I had anticipated. There's no disputing that I can handle it, though. I mean, how dare tell Avena that I love her, and not bear any hardships along the way? I am going to stand by her until the end. I just hope that I can pick up the slack the I've been leaving. I haven't been as good to Avena as I should be, and I make it worse by constantly complaining and being all intense about us. Sometimes I don't know how to balance, you know?

I don't want to slip back, and even allow the slightest doubt that I may love and adore Avena with all my heart, but at the same time, I don't want to be that ridiculous intimidating intense boyfriend. I usually end up falling on either extreme, I'm guessing. I'm so bad at this 'boyfriend' thing.. it's really quite frustrating. What more can I do? What should I do less? Am I doing anything right?

Something the preacher who married Matt and Paige said was that, in a spouse, we should "Expect nothing.. and appreciate everything". That's something I will have to work on. I am constantly complaining, and I really need to simply appreciate Avena for all that she is. Who am I to complain? She is patient with me, she is faithful, she is truthful, she has a heart that burns for Christ, and she's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Basically, I was blessed with the perfect woman.

She makes me so happy. She told me last night, she knew I loved her. That's pretty much the best thing ever. It made me happier than I've been in a while. At least, since we've been apart. I hope she knows that.

I don't want to make this blog too long winded... so. Music.


"New Surrender" by Anberlin
"Shogun" by Trivium
"Beneath The Medicine Tree" by Copeland