This blog is dying...

And I intend to revive it.

BP's 50 over 70, BP's 90 over 50, pluse is 120
Pupils fixed and dilated she's beginning to flat line

This is not a joke.


I feel like as things get more chaotic in my life, the less I stop to reflect. That's bad.
The more chaotic things get, the more I should reflect. The more I should write. That hasn't been the case nearly enough. I think that I try and work through problems too much, instead of thinking. It's that whole.. rationale taking over me. I doubt it's good for me.

I considered to myself what I would have left in life if absolutely no one cared about me. God included. The answer kind of scared me, and comforted me. It scared me, because I realized I would have very little; essentially nothing. It comforted me, because I know God will always care. I guess its one of those places you come to in life, where you're willing to walk your path with God, and God only... just because there's nothing else.

I'm pretty jealous of Avena right now. She's doing fantastically at her college, and is like a new celebrity. Her songwriting skills are phenomenal, and reflect all the hard work and dedication she pours into everything she does. I have always respected her for that. I just wish that I could write songs too. It's almost shameful to think that I ever presumed to 'teach' her guitar.


It's depressing to think that now, at this point, I am completely at her mercy. I wish she'd call, text, or email. Write, even. That would be glorious. I know she's busy, and I know she's growing.. but I miss hearing from her.


Fuck you, reason. Fuck you, rationale. Fuck you, logic. You've destroyed me.