Elfing it up.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

HmmMmmMmm...

...Interesting.

I've had the whole day to myself, essentially.. but it started out pretty rough. Last night, I had a recording observation that I needed to go to, that started at 10:00pm.

At RCA Studio B.

Basically, epic..... but a mile away from campus.

Typically, that wouldn't be a problem at all. I'm not so fat that I can't walk a mile, but last night had the major factor of being around 20 degrees. Bloody hell. That's really cold.

So I wrapped up in warmness, and charged the streets. It took me about 25 minutes to get there. Not bad. I got to listen to some As Cities Burn. I love that band. New album is good walking music. When i got there (about ten minutes late), the session had clearly been going for about an hour, which frustrated me. I had to document everything, and now I had to catch up on an hours worth of work.

Anyways.. it turned out a lot better than I thought, and I was out of there by 12:30. Walking back was almost worse, though. So. Bloody. Cold.

Anyways.. when I got back, I grabbed my guitar and went to the bell tower with Paul and Sunny. Sunny knit while Paul and I went through a bunch of sweet chord progressions and songs we've been working on. Sometimes I wish that I could just.. take what little skill I have and donate it to someone more worthy. Like.. other people.

Anyways, after that, I went back to Hail thinking I would go to bed. It was 3:30. I ended up in a huge discussion with Dan and J.P. about God, creation, horror movies, and farming. Ridiculous. Eff my life. Hahaha. Waking up was hard.

Basically today, I've been rushing to get papers turned in a stuff. Simple. Not too hard. I helped Zach get to his flight on time, and the rest of the day was spent on my own.. playing guitar. I wrote a cool song. More like three, actually. They'll be hard to record, though.. so I better start practicing.

Anyways.. I need to give up on this entry.

Listen to:

"We Delete; Erase" by Native
"Ozma" by Melvins

The Calm before...

...Nothing. 'Cause this ain't a calm.

Tomorrow, I have a five page essay due in Seminar, and a final exam for Survey of Recording Technology. I'm finishing up my paper now, and I'm realizing how much of a complainer I've been. To everyone. To the people in my dorm, to the professors in my classes, and to the people I love. Sure, I really doubt I will use what I've 'learned' in First-Year Seminar. I really don't think I'll be glad I compared all the short stories and essays that I did in English, but that's just all a part of life. What we do leads us to who we are. Who we want to be.

I want this to be my formal apology to Avena. To Drew, Sunny, and Sam, my Residence Assistants. To my friends in Hail Hall.

I've been an over-dramatic, complaining bitch about everything recently, and I don't have any excuse or reason for that. If you read this, I hope you understand that I have humiliated myself, and really couldn't feel any worse about the way I've acted.

From the start, I've treated college with a cold and bitter zeal. I wanted to get the grades, and get the heck out. I didn't care about people. I didn't care about being here, or who I interacted with. I wasn't thriving at all, and I know certain people realized that quickly. Avena tried to help me create a place here so I could flourish and be nurtured, but I reacted selfishly. I can't believe people have the patience with me that they do. I didn't want to go to college, and essentially, I still don't. But I've come to realize that there's more to life that my own ambitions, dreams, and desires. It's about growing, and learning. It's about realizing your dreams, but still living the life that God sets in front of you- not the life that we want, or try to forcibly have.

In any case, to you, my readers, I apologize. I am so sorry for the way I have behaved. The way I have treated you. I hope I can make it up to you. In the meantime, I am going to do my best pursuing the education that I came here for- but this time, I'm not going to close myself to others. I'm definitely not going to close myself to Christ's calling. I just hope that by doing this.. I can make a few things right.

"...Feel like when its between what I want and you want...
...It's the choice between doing whats selfish and what's stupid...
...Because I still love you, and you're still gone..."

Music:

"Parasite" by See You Next Tuesday
"Red Medicine" by Fugazi
"Noise Floor" by Bright Eyes

Residence Life...

...is ballsack.

I wake up this morning, at 11, so that I can go to lunch with my cohorts at noon. All is well as I take my shower, I dress, brush my teeth, and choose an appropriate (yet stylish) jacket for the current weather: cool and overcast. Then, it happens.

I step into the lobby and see the walls plastered with signs.

NO VISITATION DURING FINALS WEEK

NO PRACTICE HOURS DURING FINALS WEEK

Are they dyking me?

First of all, I am extremely opposed to the idea of having set 'practice' hours in the first place. This is a university where we pay 28,000 dollars to attend. I'd like to think it's an adult setting, with adult faculty and adult students. At this point in life, we're perfectly capable of being considerate, but further from that, capable of understanding that we can ask the people next to, above, and below us if it's all right to strum our acoustic guitars. If no one cares, I should be able to play, right?

The issue lies here: I can't very well take my duffel bag of pedals, a 75-pound tube amp, and my guitar to a 'practice room' (a 6x10 room, with an upright piano usurping most of that space) across campus to practice electric guitar. Besides- those rooms are completely taken, nearly all of the time by musical performance majors. I'm fine with that, but there are many, many students who play music, and would realistically like to dedicate a significant amount of time to music without majoring in it. Where do I go? The library? Oh, wait. That's where students go to study without any noise interruptions. Hmm. Something is wrong with this system.

I'm sure a happy medium could be found.. but having an absolute rule saying that I can't play guitar after 7:00pm just blows. Are they serious? I mean.. there are so many better options.

1. I'm fine with quiet hours. 10:00pm-10:00am is reasonable. But realistically, there could be 10:00am-10:00pm courtesy hours (That's what they're called now, but they're not courtesy hours) where people can play their instruments as long as their neighbors around, above and below have given permission and/or don't care. Then, 3:00pm-7:00pm could be actual practice hours, and by that, I mean NO COMPLAINT hours, where we can actually have a time set aside to benefit us, rather than restrict us.
   
2. Practice Hours are about courtesy, clearly. I refuse to believe that the University legitimately wants to parent us in this way. Based on the model I gave in point (1), we could even abolish practice hours completely, for simple courtesy hours. This would be disappointing if any neighbors were unhappy with practicing, but I can accept the responsibility of being courteous to others. I'm not a selfish bastard who just wants to practice when I'm not supposed to. I just want to be able to practice when there's no other reasons not to.
   
3. If Belmont, a very serious music school intends to keep its students musical, it may need to build a place to accommodate more musicians. It's true, the University's number one major is Music Business, and not musical performance-- but to assume that musicians play a minority role in this school would be convoluted and stupid. If the practice rooms are not adequate, as they clearly are not, then another practice location should be provided, with far fewer time constraints. This raises an entirely new budget issue, which would make this the least appealing idea.

Clearly, the approach to take would be to change the school's policies on practicing. Not only do the hours make musical dedication (not to mention improvement) nearly impossible, but they are extremely hypocritical in the context of dormitory life. For example, after practice hours, people can continue to listen to music through their computer speakers, or watch television or movies. These activities are widely acknowledged as louder than most music practice, especially when considering the decibel (dB) level of an acoustic guitar compared to two blaring 20watt computer speakers, or the roar of a neighbors video game played through television speakers. Just the other day, my friend and I played Dance Dance Revolution, and had the volume cranked. The Residence Assistants came over to watch, and said nothing about the volume. It's because it's the principal of the matter, not the spirit of the rule that matters here, and I can't stand that.

I can't stand it.

So in the meantime, check out some of this music. Play it louder than a guitar:

"Continent" by The Acacia Strain
"Elephant" by The White Stripes
"Second Helping" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
"Sublime" by Sublime

A good day...

...Today, I hope, will be a good day.

I just woke up, about thirty minutes ago, took a nice, (very) hot shower, and got ready for my day. I think the nice thing about that is.. I had to do very little. I have an English class today at 8, but I doubt we'll do anything. I submitted my last of many papers on Friday, so today will probably just be one of those lets-waste-your-time-by-showing-up-at-eight-but-do-nothing classes. I can deal with that, I suppose.

The other good part of today is that I have no Cardio classes left, so I have an empty void in my class schedule all the way until 3:30 this afternoon. It will be a good time for me to work on my last, last, last, last First-Year Seminar paper. Did I mention it was my last paper for that class? I'm pretty excited about that. I'm pretty sure that I've never loathed a class more than Seminar.. just because it really has not benefited me all semester. I haven't really learned.. anything, with the exception of life requiring useless things of us.

Luckily, I'll probably have time to get all of that done this afternoon, before Math at 3:30 (Another waste of time, because of how easy it is.. not because I won't use those applied skills).

On a completely different note... have you ever had one of those dreams, where you can see people talking about you, gossiping about you, or asking questions about you, and all you want to do is answer.. but you can't? You want to defend yourself, or explain something, but you just can't.. because it's like you're not there? That's kind of how my life feels right now. I feel like in a lot of situations.. things go to shit because I'm not there to support myself, or my views. I guess it's conceited to think my opinion or presence holds a lot of clout.. but I'd like to think things would be different.. if I could be there.

All I can do is look in, like a little kid with a ship in a bottle.. wishing I was a sailor.

...Another horrible analogy by Seiji Inouye.

The end.

The End of an Era...

...That's what we're in.

It's weird to think that the end of the semester is drawing so close, and we're all such new, new kids. Did we really just meet each other three months ago? It was even less than that. The bonds we all create goes beyond the friendships we experienced before, because this is very much our lives now. We live here; we live here with all of each other right next door. Just above. Just below. It's a community that we've built, and that we've embraced. It's been wonderful. It's been painful. Over these few months, I think its obvious how much we've changed. People have shown their true colors, I guess. It's fine. I love seeing people grow comfortable with themselves.

What's going to be hard, though, is the end of the semester. Realistically, these friendships will not last. It's something I've been thinking about: I'll probably stay in touch with about 1/4 of the people I hang out with now. Maybe less. Maybe more, who knows. It's actually something I'm very much at peace with. I know I'll be staying close to the people who Christ leads and lets into my life. It'll all be fine.

I was talking to one of my best friends, and she is faced with so many incredible opportunities for her summer, and future in general. It's overwhelming to think of the different ways God can direct our lives, to do things we've never dreamed of. It's terrifying for me, to think that at the end of this college experience, I'll probably have wasted a ridiculous amount of time.

There are really two or three things in life that I really, really wanted in life. I've already scratched being a rock star from that list, haha. It's just not realistic for me. I don't have the talent of people who don't make it, so why should I? I'll leave that to the awesome people.

The other two I just feel don't get taken seriously while I'm at college. One was opening my youth center. My 24-hour venue/studio/gallery/cafe'/recreation center. I know for sure that I do not need First-Year Seminar for that. I know that. I know for sure that my degree will probably add to the knowledge base I need to be a good Engineer, but I also know that the knowledge I need is probably acquirable in two years, without comparing essays about grandparents, without taking medieval history. Without being able to write an old-testament synopsis in an hour.

I guess I'm just being cynical. I should go eat a banana and write my next paper.

Musix:

"Miss Machine" by The Dillinger Escape Plan
"Game Theory" by The Roots
"Come to Daddy" by Aphex Twin
"A to B: Life" by mewithoutyou

Sick, sickly...

... That's what I am. Sick.

Symptoms: Aching joints (More so than usual), headaches, sensitivity to bright lights, loud sounds, nosebleeds (probably just the cold), congested sinus, coughing, and stomach.. issues.

My diagnosis: Influenza.. or something similar. I basically just feel like I have lead in my system... Everything just seems so heavy, and sluggish. It's awful. Up until last night, for those four nights, I had a horrible fever that essentially prevented me from sleeping. It's just gross.

But last night was different. I slept beautifully. When I woke up this morning, I felt exactly the same- I had all the same symptoms for the flu, with the exception of feeling incredibly well rested. It's crazy what a huge difference that makes. I've realized that through these past few days, I've been really snarky with some people, and I hope to reconcile that soon. I know people realize I'm sick, so hopefully I won't have to preface my apologies too much with that. I feel bad about it all, though. My being sick is no excuse for me to be an asshole to anyone. Especially those few people that I hold particularly dear to me.

For the past week, my friend Dan Storm has been recording a song next door to me, with Sean Morey, one of the most fantastic Audio Engineers I know. I had the privelege to mix and master that song, and at two thirty this morning, I finished it. Goodness, it sounds incredible, if I do say so myself. Dan Storm, and our resident emcee princess 'Miss B' are just so talented. Hopefully one day, I'll be able to ride on their coattails, haha.

This was such a satisfying experience, though: especially after the overdubbing project I had to attend Wednesday night/Thursday morning. On that night, I realized that I was practically illiterate to analog hardware for recording. It was one of the most humbling experiences I have ever been through. I was miserable. Humiliated. I questioned my major. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this..

I still don't know, but at least I can master hip-hop tracks, right Dan?

I'm hoping to track some of my own songs with Sean in the coming months (probably following Christmas break). All of this needs to happen in the time I have outside of studying for finals and writing ridiculous papers about things I don't care about. No bitterness. Haha. I guess I've just come to realize that it's the connections I'm making that are important. Not the papers.

I mean, they're important too. I need them to stay in college. But you all know what I mean.

And by you all, I mean you. The one (maybe two) people who read this blog.

Whatever the case. I'm proud of that song. It's kind of hard to send it to people, and say "I worked on that". No one can really appreciate how much work goes into that kind of thing. They don't realize how you spend three hours listening to the same fifteen seconds of vocal track, carefully reducing each breath so that the sibilance in the lyrics isn't distracting when the high frequencies mix with the sustain of the snare drum.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyways.. the time is drawing nigh. I'm coming home on the 17th. It's really exciting to think that I'll actually be able to spend a significant amount of time home, with people I care about. This isn't to say that I don't care about people here, because I definitely do. But the thought of being able to see my family for longer than a weekend, or my friends for more than an evening is just amazing. And probably most of all, I'll be able to see Avena for the first time since August 20th. Just three days shy of three months ago. That's way, way too long. I guess I better get my act together.. I'm a collegiate mess.

It will definitely be interesting to see how much things have changed. How much people have changed. I feel like, in comparison to a lot of my friends and loved ones, I have changed or developed relatively little as a person. I believe much of the same things.. I listen to what is essentially the same music. I don't know too much more than when I left. I guess it's just the life experiences that I acquire that change me without my evening realizing.

To be abrupt, here are some awesome albums to check out:

"Chroma" by Cartel
"This Station Is Non-Operational" by At The Drive-In
"Loyalty to Loyalty" by Cold War Kids
"Love is Hell" by Ryan Adams
"I'm Wide Awake It's Morning" by Bright Eyes
"Dead Mountain Mouth" by Genghis Tron
"Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World

This blog is dying...

And I intend to revive it.

BP's 50 over 70, BP's 90 over 50, pluse is 120
Pupils fixed and dilated she's beginning to flat line

This is not a joke.


I feel like as things get more chaotic in my life, the less I stop to reflect. That's bad.
The more chaotic things get, the more I should reflect. The more I should write. That hasn't been the case nearly enough. I think that I try and work through problems too much, instead of thinking. It's that whole.. rationale taking over me. I doubt it's good for me.

I considered to myself what I would have left in life if absolutely no one cared about me. God included. The answer kind of scared me, and comforted me. It scared me, because I realized I would have very little; essentially nothing. It comforted me, because I know God will always care. I guess its one of those places you come to in life, where you're willing to walk your path with God, and God only... just because there's nothing else.

I'm pretty jealous of Avena right now. She's doing fantastically at her college, and is like a new celebrity. Her songwriting skills are phenomenal, and reflect all the hard work and dedication she pours into everything she does. I have always respected her for that. I just wish that I could write songs too. It's almost shameful to think that I ever presumed to 'teach' her guitar.


It's depressing to think that now, at this point, I am completely at her mercy. I wish she'd call, text, or email. Write, even. That would be glorious. I know she's busy, and I know she's growing.. but I miss hearing from her.


Fuck you, reason. Fuck you, rationale. Fuck you, logic. You've destroyed me.

These weeks

...Have been ridiculous. Truly.

    Without splurging into an unholy amount of detail, things have been stressful up until last night. I'm glad I was able to talk to Avena for the amount of time that we did. It was refreshing, and much-needed. With a huge weight off my shoulders, I feel like I can begin to make peace with the other factors in my life.

    Something I've been doing recently is listening to my music, all shuffled up. Except.. not so shuffled. I have the songs listed in alphabetical order, so its cool to hear different versions of the same song play in sequence. Also, it's made my life a whole lot more nostalgic, because I'm hearing songs that I bought in eighth grade.

My list starts with "A" by Cartel, and ends with "82558" by the Dillinger Escape Plan. There are about 10,000 songs in between.

    So I've estimated that if I listen to my library for an average of 4 hours a day, I'll probably get through my whole library by Christmas, 2009.

    It's a goal, I guess.

    So I guess I don't have new music suggestions.. except.. a few new albums, perhaps? The new Haste the Day, new Elysia, and new Emery are all very good CD's. Go out and support music.

-Seiji

Lost in the sound of separation..

I can't hear!
I can't see!
I keep trying to figure out where I
need to be going.

How selfish am I allowed to be again?
Not selfish at all?

That makes things difficult.

I've been clutching to this compass
and I damn well hope it points North
because I have nothing else to lean on.

Give me a break? I don't know
what the hell
I'm doing.

Avena Naomi Savage

...This is to you.

Last night, our conversation led us to a point of hiatus, as you know, and as a result, I am devastated. I am so happy, though, that you and I will have a time to seek Christ in our lives, and center ourselves on something higher, and less inconsistent than I know I have been. I apologize for all of the hurt I have brought us, and I apologize for being selfish, and closed to you. There is nothing I want less in life than to see you unhappy, especially if it is at my hands. You are the most special person in the world to me, and I hope that these past months have been a testament to how I feel.
I hope one day, maybe soon, maybe not, that you and I may perhaps reconsider our separation with a new understanding for grace, love, and dedication. I know that I have not set an example, as I have been called to again and again. You have repeatedly shown yourself to be a voice of reason, and a grounded thinker: both mature and rational. I am continually humbled by the patience and grace you show me.
Someone facetiously asked me how this new indefinite amount of time would differ to the moments I pursued you before; I realized that no matter how rational our decision was, I will struggle even more knowing I am no longer as significant. Completely without trying to make a greater-than-thou statement, I've realized that I probably needed and still need you more than you've ever needed me. I am so grateful for the months we spent together, and I acknowedge every second spent with you, whether together at your home, leading worship together, or sipping horrible coffee at the E Street Cafe, as a beautiful, precious blessing. I will never forget you, Avena Naomi Savage. I will wait for you forever.

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where want and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you, oh

San Diego...

...Is beautiful. I miss that place dearly. I had the opportunity to go back for the weekend with my roommate Zach, and I loved it. It was filled with a lot of visits, and I even got to hit up a show on Saturday night. The Highlight, however, was seeing one of my best friends, and mentor's wedding. Matt Carlson, I love you and I am so happy for you.

Things are strange. I won't lie, the visit still felt empty. Without Avena being there, I felt like it was all meaningless. I know that's somewhat selfish, but it's true. I found myself really upset every night, and I just wish there was more I could do for her at this distance. I feel like I'm failing her.

Actually, I probably am.

Things have been tense lately, and I only have myself to blame. I really did foresee things being difficult, but it looks a lot harder than I had anticipated. There's no disputing that I can handle it, though. I mean, how dare tell Avena that I love her, and not bear any hardships along the way? I am going to stand by her until the end. I just hope that I can pick up the slack the I've been leaving. I haven't been as good to Avena as I should be, and I make it worse by constantly complaining and being all intense about us. Sometimes I don't know how to balance, you know?

I don't want to slip back, and even allow the slightest doubt that I may love and adore Avena with all my heart, but at the same time, I don't want to be that ridiculous intimidating intense boyfriend. I usually end up falling on either extreme, I'm guessing. I'm so bad at this 'boyfriend' thing.. it's really quite frustrating. What more can I do? What should I do less? Am I doing anything right?

Something the preacher who married Matt and Paige said was that, in a spouse, we should "Expect nothing.. and appreciate everything". That's something I will have to work on. I am constantly complaining, and I really need to simply appreciate Avena for all that she is. Who am I to complain? She is patient with me, she is faithful, she is truthful, she has a heart that burns for Christ, and she's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Basically, I was blessed with the perfect woman.

She makes me so happy. She told me last night, she knew I loved her. That's pretty much the best thing ever. It made me happier than I've been in a while. At least, since we've been apart. I hope she knows that.

I don't want to make this blog too long winded... so. Music.


"New Surrender" by Anberlin
"Shogun" by Trivium
"Beneath The Medicine Tree" by Copeland

Mondays...

...Not really into them. Not gonna lie.

It's cool, though. I woke up this morning perfectly. My alarm went off at 8:05am, and I got up and turned it off on the second beep. I showered, made myself a PB'n'J, and a cup of green tea. I'll admit, though.. I need to make a tea a bit stronger tomorrow. It didn't act fast enough, and I was still very sleepy in my first year seminar class. We discussed James Loewen's points on history and it being taught incorrectly- but that's beside the point.

I went and got my packages today at the mail center. It's only a 1/3 mile walk, but still. When it's hot outside and you're sleepy, its a bit of a drag. Especially because I knew I was only getting some personal paperwork for my job, and a textbook. It's about time, though. That paperwork is long overdue, and I might not get paid if I don't take care of that soon. *Makes a mental note*.

I have my first test in Audio Tech Survey today. That should be interesting... seeing as I just recieved my textbook in the mail today. I'm sure I'll do fine.

My desk is pretty amazing right now. ProTools apparatus, letters, and scented postcards are adorning the edges of my workspace. It's nearly heaven.

But not quite.

I could have the love of my life here. But she's in Seattle now, and I'm happy for her. Things will get crazy, I'm sure. I only hope that when school starts up, we'll be able to continue in good contact. I'm way out of my league. I'm not gonna let her get away without a fight.

Because I love Avena Naomi Savage with all my heart.

Wednesday morning...

..And I'm so tired, it's ridiculous.

Something I've come to realize lately is that I'm kind of a lame person. I don't appreciate life nearly as much as I should. I have been blessed by so many people and things in life, and I still manage to whine, complain, and hurt those who love me.

Avena, you mean more to me than everything else. I'm sorry I don't show that in more tangible ways. I promise to you that I am doing my best to show that appreciation for you.

So last night I stayed up late again. It seems to be a college trend. I came here expecting to be a healthier person- in that I would eat healthier, work out more, and sleep more. I've been doing moderately well.. but I still don't sleep enough. I think I have more Mountain Dew running through my system than blood. Probably not a good thing.

Anyways.. I have one more class today at noon. Survey of Audio Tech. I love that class.. but it's not nearly long enough. I almost regret choosing a MWF class, because I only get it for 50 minutes. Shame.

Music it up:

"Lost in the Sound of Separation" by Underoath
"Viva la Vida" by Coldplay
"How The Lonely Keep" by Terminal

It's my birthday...

And I suppose it's gone well.

It's been over a week since I left home. I'm sitting in my dorm now. We're about 87% unpacked. I just got my computer today, and I spent the afternoon optimizing conditions for ProTools 7.4.2. Good stuff, kids.

I'm really excited to be here. I guess that's both vague and cliche' but it's true. I really enjoy living in this dorm. All our roomies are amazing. Musicians, recording artists, singers, songwriters. It's filled with people who share my interests, but are so very different. I'm amazed at how 'at-home' I feel here.

At the same time, though, I really do miss my home. I miss my bed, and my family, and my girlfriend. It really does get kind of lonely, even though I know so many people. The semi-forced friendships don't pull the way a life-long friend would. Hopefully that will get better with time.

I feel bad, because I've already missed a class. My first English class, even. Horrible. I realized that my brand-new alarm clock is not functioning as an alarm clock at all. It functions as a clock, a radio, an iPod dock, but not an alarm clock. It's supposed to, and it did.. until the first day I had an 8am class. Then it broke and I was late.

On the bright side.. I'm at college.

Today's my birthday. I already mentioned that. Funny thing is: It doesn't feel like it, because last night, I stayed awake until midnight. So it was my birthday then. I went to the local Circle-K, and bought some cigarettes and a cigar, because I could. I hung out with some friends for a while, then went to bed. It was cool, but now it's still my birthday. Kind of weird for my head. I guess it's awesome. My girlfriend sent me brownies. They are delicious. She has been so good to me- sending me postcards, letters, presents, and now brownies. I couldn't be more in love, I swear. Hahaha.

Anyways.. music.

"Daybreak" by This is the Hospital
"The Price of Existence" by All Shall Perish
"Summer EP" by Jon Foreman
"I, Lucifer" by Destroy the Runner

peace.

Leaving...

Is so hard.. I feel like I should say a few words to all of you: to express my love for you... but I'll do it later.

listen to:

"Count Your Blessings" by Bring Me the Horizon
"For Those Who Have a Heart" by A Day To Remember

Peace.

Curfews...

Are kind of dumb. I won't lie.

I can appreciate my parents wanting to know where I am.. but I just want to hang out with my girlfriend and their family. They're actually awake, and all that. My parents go to bed by ten. That, in my opinion is ridiculously early. If I come back at that time, it's not like they can hang out with me. I'd rather be with people- my girlfriend especially when I'm leaving in four days.

I guess some people can't let go.

Anyways.. I'm incredibly sunburned from Warped Tour, so I'm gonna go lick my wounds, pout, and write music.

Peace.

Tonight...

Was pretty much amazing. The day started with fast-paced room cleanage. My mother is finally home to help me throw things away, and we made progress actually packing things into suitcases. It's an insane thought- packing your whole life into five bags. Sheets, instruments, medicines, microphones, and all sorts of random crap. All in five bags. It's ridiculous.

Anyways.. after all that, I went with my lead lady, Avena, to take couple's shots together. It was a fun time, running around stagecoach park making faces at the camera. Avena's sister was our fantastic photographer, who put up with all my stupid comments and retarded posturing. I can't wait to see how the shots turned out.

After pictures, Avena and I went to dinner at CPK. The finest noms one can get, in many cases. I just enjoy that place- my family and I have been going there for years. It was nice to take my girlfriend there. We managed to max out our gift card for 50 dollars. It was definitely a fine accomplishment.

Following our food splurge, we went back to Avena's house and watched a bit of the ol' olympics with her family. It was all good times. I'm so happy that I can have such an open relationship with my lady, and still have a fantastic relationship with her family. I'm truly blessed. It's getting down to the last week in Encinitas. I am honestly brokenhearted. I don't know what I'll do when I get to Nashville. Maybe I'll shed a long-overdue tear. Having to move away from all of my friends, family, and amazing girlfriend leaves me with the prospect of growing: something I tend to do only when I'm forced to.

Time to go: time to grow.

I guess this will be good for me. Maybe I'll be inspired and actually write some meaningful music.

Speaking of which, here's the list:

"Dark Shades of Blue" by Xavier Rudd
"Another Hallelujah" by Campaign
"Winter EP" by Jon Foreman
"Vheissu" by Thrice
"Never Take Friendship Personal" by Anberlin

Peace, yall.

The Beach...

Is a beautiful place. I haven't been there in a while to actually... beach. I know that's not supposed to be a verb, but it should be.

beach [v]: the action which involves lying relatively horizontally for extended periods of time in the sun, while occasionally swimming in an ocean of close proximity.

Something like that. So that's what I did yesterday. I beached with my girlfriend and her family. It was all good times. There's something about the beach, though, that makes you feel every cut on your body. I realized that I had a lot.

Anyways... music:

"The Anti Mother" by Norma Jean
"Safety in the Sea" by Sever Your Ties
"In Rainbows" by Radiohead

Celebrate Recovery...

Tonight was kind of awesome. Terribly embarrassing at the same time, though. I usually play guitar with my youth pastor, Matt Carlson at our church's CR [Celebrate Recovery] meetings. Tonight, he was not here, so I recruited my more-than-capable girlfriend to sing and play with me in his stead.

She was amazing. I was not.

It was pretty bad. I started on the wrong chords, forgot songs, lyrics, and nearly collapsed on stage. I've spent the better part of the day cleaning my room.. like I have been for the past few days. The thing is- today I didn't really eat anything, and I was up nearly all night previous. Not a good mix. My warning to all you musicians: don't run your show without energy. Our body is like a working machine. We can't expect it to function at its best without its two primary fuel sources: food and sleep.

Lesson learned.

On the bright side, my room is definitely.. getting there.. whatever that means.

Peace

This will take...

Forever.

I have officially decided that there is simply no speedy, half-way, or corner-cutting method to cleaning my room. I've looked. There isn't any.

But at least I can say that I'm not really just cleaning my room. It's the whole "get-things-cleaned-and-organized-for-when-you-go-to-college" cleaning my room thing. Throwing stuff away is rather enjoyable, though. I'll admit to that. I found a huge pile of guitar tabs and chord sheets that I've been printing out for the pasts two years. Because I've learned or memorized the majority of them, I could just throw them away- *cough* I mean, recycle them.

I even tore out the screen to my window, so I could just chuck trash through the new opening in my wall to the trashcan that just sits expectantly outside. It's funny. When I leave the lid to the trash can open, it almost does look like a mouth. I'll be going through my stuff, and I can practically hear it calling to me: "Come on, Seiji. You don't need that, and I'm hungry." I think I'm just going crazy.

Anyways- here are some of the albums I've been listening to so far:

"Again, For The First Time" by Bleach
"The Price of Existence" by All Shall Perish
"Come Now, Sleep" by As Cities Burn
"No, Sir. Nihilism Is Not Practical" by Showbread
"Saosin" by Saosin
"From The Cradle" by Eric Clapton
"Southern Weather" by The Almost

I like to keep it eclectic. It drives my girlfriend crazy, I'm sure.
Peace.

My Room...

Is practically under construction. Not really, but it seems that way. I've spend the better part of the morning shoveling piles of dusty crap out of my closet. Keep in mind that it's only my closet and that the rest of the room is in an equal or worse state of disrepair.

I'm finding all kinds of goodies- like hats I haven't worn since I was 13, and sweaters that I got for Christmas in 2002 that I never put on. Just a second ago, I found a shirt that was completely eaten in half by a moth. I still haven't found the moth, but it must have been the size of my hand to consume that much material. Physics shouldn't allow that kind of thing to happen in nature.

I wonder if it can still fly?

Anyways, I'm taking a break, because the d.p.e.b. levels in my room [dust-per-even-breath] are so high, that if you yawn [which happens a lot to me], you immediately suffer an asthma attack. Kick back with a little blogging. You know. Write it off.

So far, the albums I have listened to during this process have been:

"They're Only Chasing Safety" by Underoath
"Define The Great Line" by Underoath
"Bloodlust" by Through The Eyes of the Dead
"Malice" by Through The Eyes of the Dead
"Icky Thump" by The White Stripes

Anways.. I'll keep going with my room, and continue this blog then.

[2 Hours Later...]

I guess I'll stop for now. The closet is pretty much done. Everything is hanging up nicely, and other things are in bags to be given away, or.. in the trash. I found an Amazon.com gift card, though.. so I think I'll use that. On what, I don't know- but you can buy everything on Amazon these days.

Anyways, that's it for now. Peace.

Alcohol Education...

Seems to be a requirement at my new college, Belmont university. Even though I see the need for a higher level of 'awareness' among older teens and young adults, I don't think it did very much for me. I took an initial test, and scored 88%. That is well above passing, according to the blue sheet that I was given at my college. At the end of the course, when I re-took the test, I scored 88%.

Nice. 4 hours of videos, essays, and interviews for a 0% increase in score.

Oh well. At least I passed.

So here I am...

The first blog of the new... blog.

I am currently at Zach O'Brien's house. We're tracking on his grand piano for the worship record. Exciting? Yes. Exhausting? Understatement, for sure. Reminds me of the night we spent trying to track lead guitars. About 3 hours spent on an 8-bar long solo. Ridiculous.

Such is the studio life. Gotta love it.

For you photography fanatics- this is the equivalent of spending hours and hours and hours shooting your photos, and then spending three times as long in photoshop, making them even more amazing. 

For those of you who don't do photos.. or music..

I guess you'll just never understand.

The Paige Aufhammer is sitting across from me. On her Apple notebook, as well. Maybe she's blogging about the drudgery of her fiancee's worship band, and their painstaking attempts at recording. Or maybe she's doing something important. Probably the latter. In any case, you all should check out her music on iTunes. It's fantastic.

The utensil of my blogging [this laptop] is running out of juice. I'm going to sign off now. This is blog 1, of an expected many. Peace.